After Love
by bullet-meds
Summary: Sora's depressed, somethings happened to Riku, and it seems that Sora's gonna kill himself....until Roxas shows up. Rated T just in case. Warning: Emo behaviors, depression, gay pairings.
1. Key of Ice

**After Love**

**Chapter 1:**

**Key of Ice**

Sora was standing in an field of ice, nothing was around for miles, except for ice. It was so cold, cold enough that his entire body was numb. Sora took a deep breath of frosty air, feeling nothing, a sweet relief from the usual internal pain and sadness he felt. He held the breath in, feeling the muscles in his chest expand, then breathed it out, watching the warm steamy air disappear into the cold.

But something was wrong. Sora heard his name being called, but there wasn't anybody in sight. The calling got closer, and soon it seemed like it was coming from right beside him. _"Sora…Sooorrraaa….Sora…_**SORA!**" SLAM.

Sora sat up with a jerk, eyes blurry from sleep and confusion. But the giggles soon tipped him off, and the confusion was quickly replaced by fear. He had fallen asleep in algebra. Again. He quickly tried to remember what his teacher, Mr. Bick, had been lecturing about when he had dozed off. "Umm… yes Mr. Bick?" Sora asked, putting on his best innocent smile.

"Would you kindly pay attention, and answer the question," sighed Mr. Bick. He was used to Sora's, affectionately called, 'sleep attacks'. "And next time you're listening to your Ipod in my class, could you hide it a more creative way?" smiled Mr. Bick. "And by creative, I mean better."

Sora gave a small, quick smile, "I'll try to keep that in mind, now what was the question?"

***

Later that day, Sora was in English, one of the most boring subjects, in his opinion. He was good enough at writing that he could easily pass the class without having to listen to Ms. Hinds annoying voice. Sora was currently staring out of the window, watching the wind blow the dead tree limbs every which way.

But, it wasn't just that the subject was easy, it was something that Ms. Hinds had done.

"Hey Sora, could you turn your chair and face me, please?" said Ms. Hinds, whose voice made it seemed as if she was high. Which she probably was, considering her tendency for lack of organization and randomness.

_Sure bitch, as soon as you burn in hell._ Thought Sora, causing a slight smile to appear on his face.

"…See class, can't you enjoy this article like Sora?" said Ms. Hinds, obviously mistaking the meaning of Sora's smile, and continued reading the article aloud. Between every couple of words, Sora inserted private commentary about her.

"…and using his-"

_Fist to crush your skull in._

"…but violence didn't solve his problems. So she-"

_Joined in with him, and they both started to kick your ass._

It continued like this for a small time, with the occasional comment about what the writer meant for the reader to notice in this sentence, all of which Sora already knew. But then Ms. Hinds let the students have free time for the rest of the period.

Sora used to use this time to talk with his friends, especially Riku, but that time was gone. Now most of the students avoided him, knowing that he didn't want any of their pity. Thinking of Riku made his heart hurt, and tears started to cloud the edges of his vision.

_No, not here, not in front of everybody… I can't let them see me cry._ Thought Sora, trying to hold back the tears._ Please no, I can't let them see me weak again. _And suddenly, his mind was drawn back to the dream from earlier that day._ Will the ice come back?_ Sora thought, _I might as well try_.

And closing his eyes tightly, and trying to cast his mind back to the numbing cold from that dream. At first, it didn't make any difference, but then first slowly, then at a faster pace, Sora noticed that the hole was starting to be filled again, numbing the pain, and making the tears go away.

_Ok, now I just need to keep this up 24/7, and maybe I'll finally be strong enough to get over It._

Sora was suddenly startled out of this thought by the ending bell ringing. It was finally time to go home. That used to be a good thing. But now it was just a house with people that Sora knew didn't really care. Now home was his small room, where he could just be himself for once.

Sora sighed, and got up from his chair, and started the lonely journey to his locker. Once he would make this trip with Riku, but now he was forced to make it alone.

The halls were crowded, full of people pushing each other out of the way to get to their lockers. But as Sora headed out of the door, a sudden bubble seemed to come into existence, and in the center was Sora.

Usually this would reopen the internal wound, and cause Sora to feel even more alone than usual. But since Sora was still concentrating on the ice, it was just an action that the now emotionally-detached Sora noticed.

***

"Hello?" said Sora as he opened the door to his home. _Home? Ha, it's not my home, it's just my house. Home is a place where people care about you._ He thought as he waited to see if anybody would reply.

Nobody replied. _So home alone again, huh? Well this won't be a first for Yuffie._ Yuffie was his older sister, who had taken care of Sora after their parents had been killed when Sora was 9, and he was now 16.

Yuffie had honestly tried for the first couple of years, but now she was trying to pick up her social life, she said it had nothing to do with Sora, but Sora knew that it didn't just happen to be the same time as It.

Thinking of It caused Sora's ice shield to get cracks. He tried to keep up his ice, but It was too powerful of a memory, Sora's minds was reluctantly dragged back to that disastrous day.

**O boy, next time's gonna mostly be the memory, and a very exciting one:) Please review, and favorite:D**

**~Bulletmeds**


	2. Key of Memories and Pain

**After Love**

**Chapter 2:**

**Key of Memories and Pain**

_Riku and Sora were walking down the street outside of the popular ice cream shop with the only sea-salt ice cream. There were cars constantly rushing by, but the two boys were oblivious to that, they were concentrating on their newly bought ice creams. But Riku noticed that the brunette beside him was thinking about something that was bothering him._

_"What's wrong, Sora?" said the silver-haired boy._

_Sora seemed to hesitate, "Nothing's wrong, why do you ask?"_

_"Oh, no reason, just checking," said Riku, knowing that Sora would eventually tell him._

_And Riku was correct, after a few more minutes in silence, Sora seemed to decide something, and turned to Riku. "Well there is something actually…"_

_"So what is it?" Riku said, eager to find out what was happening to his friend._

_"Well, I'm-"_

_"Hello, boys!" cut in a new voice._

_Both of the boys turned their heads to see the source of the new voice. It was their favorite teacher at Twilight Middle School, Mrs. Hinds._ (She and her husband soon after split up.)

_"Hey, Mrs. Hinds!!" said the two friends, surprised to see their teacher outside of school._

_"Are you two enjoying your ice creams?"_

_"Very much!" smiled Sora and Riku._

_"Well I've been looking for an opportunity to go get one recently. So I think- Wait! I forgot my purse on that bench across the street! And it has all my money!" said Mrs. Hinds._

_"I'll go get it!" said Riku, eager for the chance to become favorite. And before anybody could say anything else, he rushed into the street without looking for traffic._

_But Sora and Mrs. Hinds did look, and both saw the black SUV that was being driven by a lady trying to do her makeup in her rearview and drive at the same time. Both knew that she hadn't seen Riku rush into the street. And both knew that Riku was right in the path of the SUV._

_"RIKU, RIKU, RIKU STOP!!" yelled Sora, himself rushing towards the street. But Riku obviously thought that Sora was trying to be the favorite. Mrs. Hinds didn't do anything, she just stood and stared._

_"RIKU, STOP, STOP RIK-" Sora suddenly stopped yelling. The SUV had connected with Riku's body._

_CRACK_

_The sound of the bones in Rikus body filled the air. Sora stopped running, and collapsed on the ground, tears running down his face. He knew that Riku was dead. And he also knew who's fault it was._

_"YOU!" yelled Sora, turning, still in tears, to Mrs. Hinds, "THIS IS YOUR FAULT!"_

_"Sora, I know that it may seem that w-" Mrs. Hinds blubbered out through her tears, but was cut off by Sora._

_"I KNOW WHAT IT IS, AND I KNOW THAT IT'S YOUR FAULT!" cried Sora, turning away and running the rest of the way to Riku's body. When he reached the body, he knelt down besides it._

_"Please come back Riku, please. I need you Riku, Riku, I was going to tell you today. Riku, I love you. Please come back," cried Sora. But he didn't come back._

Sora came back to the present, to discover that he was in his room and crying into his pillow. He slowly sat up, wiping the tears off of his face. He tried to get up his ice, but it kept getting dissolved by the waves of sadness.

He got up, to go wash his face off in the bathroom, but he tripped on his foot, causing him to fall over. While he was falling, he flailed out his arms, and his left hand connected with the mirror.

"OW!" yelled out Sora, clutching his hand to him as he feel to the floor. He felt the pain throb, and saw the blood leaking out of a fresh wound. As he cradled his hand, he realized something. The sadness was less now, farther away, tamable. He could build the ice again, but he didn't need it for now.

He slowly got up, and pushed on the wound, a sharper wave of pain came, tearing down the sadness even more. He applied more pressure, causing an even sharper, clearer wave of pain, and started to get rid of even more of the sadness.

_What is this?_ Thought Sora,_ am I emo or something?_ Sora strongly tried to deign this, depressed he could understand, but he couldn't be emo!

But the pain…the pain felt so good, and it gave a relief from the sadness._ So… I am emo?_

**Sora's emo, Riku's dead, and Roxas's on the way:) Review, favorite, and enjoy!! And I promise, Roxas will be here soon.**

**~Bulletmeds**


	3. Key of Blood

**After Love**

**Chapter 3:**

**Key of Blood**

**This chapter takes place a month after the events of Chapter 2.**

Sora slammed the door to his room closed. He had been impatient for school to finish, he had been feeling sad again. Sora had completely abandon the ice idea, it wasn't as big of a relief as pain.

He quickly stepped over to his bed and lifted up the mattress. After digging his hand around some, he found what he was looking for, and pulled it out. A knife.

Sora didn't waste anymore time, he all but ripped off his bracelet, a bracelet that he had gotten after the first cut, and rushed to his bathroom. Before he did the deed, Sora remembered that first time.

_He stood in his bathroom, over the sink. He had the knife's edge pressed against the skin of his left wrist. _Do I want to do this?_ He thought,_ well I could try, just to see if it's better than beating myself.

_He tested the blade on his finger again, and with slight pressure drew blood. _Good,_ he thought,_ it's sharp, so it won't take much force._ And with that thought, he swiftly pulled the blade across his wrist, before he lost his nerve._

_Pain lanced up his arm, clearing every other emotion out of his mind. _This is better than I thought possible,_ he managed to think over his newly-found Nirvana._

_After watching the blood run down his arm a little while, he turned on the faucet in the sink, and washed the blood away._

Sora shook his head, and got ready for the blade. He pulled it across his left wrist, cutting over some of his older scars. He threw his head back, and gasped. As the walls sadness was torn down by the pain, Sora knew that one cut wouldn't be enough this time. He looked down, and guided his blade across his wrist again, crossing the new cut, making an x in blood. He inhaled loudly through his mouth, this was better than just one!

He reluctantly turned on the water, and slowly washed away the blood.

***

Sora walked slowly into his first period, French. French was easy, all that he had to do was copy down the vocabulary, listen as the teacher raved about language being a high school credit course, and doze off when she started on about economics and politics.

He used to sit with a group of people, but after Riku's death, he had become withdrawn, and they had given up on trying to bring him out, and just avoided him. So now he sat alone, mostly doodling and writing while the teacher, Mme. Russell. She was actually from Destiny Island, but considered herself French.

Right now he was working out a poem, he wrote them a lot, and like all the others, it was dedicated to Riku.

_I'm all alone,_

_nobody wants me._

_I've been abandon,_

_nobody loves me._

_I'm so lonely,_

_but nobody's there to notice._

_There's only one that won't leave me,_

_the knife under my mattress._

_The only one that gives me relief,_

_release._

_The only one that's there in the night,_

_keeping me company._

_The only one that causes the pain _that_ I like._

_Oh, Riku, why did you have to leave me? Why doesn't anybody love me? You were the only one that cared about me, you were the only one that I will ever love. _Sora thought all of these things, causing tears to well up in his eyes. _But you didn't love me._

He quickly wiped them away, no matter what he couldn't show how weak he was to everybody. As his hand went down, his bracelet slipped, exposing the fresh scars, and as he stared, he suddenly felt shame.

Shamed that he had gone this far to get rid of the sadness. Shamed that he had resorted to a short temporary fix, one that left permanent mental and physical scars. And shame that he had given into the urge after the first time, after he saw how the scars would always be there. But most of all, shamed at what Riku would have thought of him.

_Oh, Riku, how much do you hate me? _Sora thought, _Now I understand why you didn't love me, because you knew how weak I was. You knew that I wasn't worthy of you._

The bell suddenly rang, interrupting his thoughts. He got up, and walked away, leaving his tears behind him.

***

He was now in Gym, with his second least favorite teacher, Mr. Kives. He persisted on trying to bring Sora out from behind his mental walls. He tried to get him active in the warm-ups and exercises.

"Sora, do you want to lead the warm-ups today?" smiled Mr. Kives.

Sora sighed, he had to go through this again. "Not today, Mr. Kives. And not the next day, nor the day after that," Sora said his lines, knowing them by heart.

"Come on, it wouldn't hurt to try, now would it?"

_It would hurt more than you know._ Sora thought, remembering how he and Riku would always be the first to volunteer to lead the warm-ups.

"Sora?" Mr. Kives looked worried.

Sora didn't respond, he just shrugged, and walked away in silence.

***

Sora walked into Algebra the next day, expecting another opportunity to get some sleep. But as he walked through the door, he noticed that there was a new kid in one of the desks.

Curious, he walked forward, and took the seat next to him. The blonde boy looked up at the noise, he was obviously nervous.

"Hi," he said, after a few seconds of silence.

"Hey," Sora managed to say back. There was something about this boy that seemed to draw him closer. "My name's Sora."

"My name's Roxas"

**Yay!! Roxas is here!!!!!!!**

**~Bulletmeds**


	4. Key of Betrayal and Dilemmas

**After Love**

**Chapter 4:**

**Key of Betrayal and Dilemmas**

**Thanks to ****AikikuSorakun for reviewing:) And to everybody else that faved this story!**

Sora was waiting in the food court at the mall. He wouldn't usually go here anymore, he had been here too many times with Riku, but Roxas had asked. At first, when they had first met, Roxas had been shy and withdrawn, but after a few weeks, they had become best friends.

_Where is he?_ thought Sora, checking his phone's time._ He was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago._ Irritated, he was about to text Roxas to hurry up, when he heard a voice behind him.

"Sora!" cried out a high voice Sora recognized immediately, Kairi. He quickly turned around to face her unstoppable talktivity.

"Hey, Kairi," murmured Sora, shyly. After Riku's death, Sora had almost completely ignored her, along with everybody else, all that had mattered was that Riku was dead, and he wasn't.

And after Sora's reply, Kairi launched into a super long speech, with Sora making the appropriate noises in the right places. He wasn't really paying any attention, until…

"Wait, what did you just say?" Sora cut in.

"Oh, I said that I found out that Roxas's gay," Kairi replied, Sora's interest not unnoticed.

"WHAT!?!?!?!?" Sora yelled in her face. Kairi blinked at the sudden out burst, then just continued explaining about how she and Aerith wormed it out of him, but by that point, Sora was lost in his own thoughts.

_I can't believe that he's gay! That means that I'm not the only one! I'm not alone anymore, and this means that he could like me back,_ Sora got very excited and happy with this last thought. He had a crush on Roxas, after getting to know him, Sora found he and Roxas had a lot of things in common. He hadn't expected it to go anywhere, so he didn't feel that guilty.

But that last thought brought the held back guilt to the front focus of his mind. _Oh God, what would Riku think, I'm betraying his memory, and my love by having these feelings,_ Sora thought frantically searching for a reason to both go against Riku's memory, and to go against Roxas.

"Sora? Sora!" yelled Kairi, as Sora suddenly leapt up and ran out of the mall.

***

Sora burst into his room, tears flowing down his face. He couldn't get over this dilemma. He needed Roxas, but he couldn't betray Riku.

His head started to hurt, and a familiar pain started to build up. _God, now I need to cut_, thought Sora, distractedly.

He pulled his knife out of its hiding place under his mattress, and automatically went to his bathroom, and locked the door. He came back to reality, leaving his choice for a minute, only to relish in the relief following the pain.

And suddenly the answer was so clear.

***

The next day, in Algebra, Sora went immediately up to Roxas.

"Hey Roxas"

"Oh hey Sora, you weren't at the mall yesterday, what happened?"

"Oh, I just heard some unexpected news, and had to think for a little while."

"Ok, well I hoped that you figured it out."

"I did, and I have something to ask."

"Ok, shoot."

"Roxas…" Sora hesitated, "will you go out with me?"

**OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!! Even I didn't see this ending coming!!! O and sorry for the delay guys, I've tried to write this chapter sooo many times, and just couldn't find the right way of doing it, but I finally got the perfect ending******

**~Bulletmeds**


	5. Key of Hate and Surprise

**After Love**

**Chapter 5:**

**Key of Hate and Surprise**

**Ok, I felt really bad about taking so long to write this chapter, I had all these things to do, sry:P Enjoy!!**

"Roxas…." Sora hesitated," Will you go out with me?"

Sora carefully watched Roxas's reaction, and wasn't happy with what he saw. Roxas first widened his eyes, showing surprise, but Sora had expected that. But what he hadn't expected was the sudden sad and pitying expression.

"Oh my god, Sora," Roxas said slowly, "I'm so sorry. But.. But I already have a boyfriend."

Sora felt a surge of jealously, "Who?!?!"

"Um… Axel."

***

For the rest of the day, Sora couldn't stop thinking of his sudden hate for Axel. He had never had anything against him in the past, in fact, he used to be one of his good friends. But Sora couldn't stand anybody to be with Roxas but him.

Sora glared at Axel from across the French room. As if feeling is stare, Axel looked up at Sora, and gave an equally angry glare. Which only made Sora hate him more, because Roxas had obviously told Axel, and now Axel hated him.

After French, Axel walked beside Sora in the hallway.

"Sora," he said.

"What," Sora replied angrily.

"I heard that you asked out Roxas today," Axel said, examining Sora's face.

"So what," Sora yelled, causing several people in the hall to look towards them.

"So, I want you to stay away from my boyfriend!" Axel also yelled.

"Well maybe I will, maybe I won't, you can't decide that,"

"Maybe my fist can convince you!"

***

Sora limped his way into his house, He was covered in blood and bruises. As he slammed the front door closed, he heard a slurred groan. He peeked into the living room, and saw Yuffie passed out on the couch, surrounded by beer bottles.

Sora sighed, and placed a pillow, which had been thrown on the floor, under her head. _She won't care anyways,_ he thought as he headed upstairs to his room.

As he closed his door, he let down the barrier of anger and rage that he had built up, only to find a soul-crushing sorrow.

_Do I really care about Roxas this much?_ thought Sora, being forced to take a seat on his bed, or fall down. _Do I really need him this badly, this.. this is more than Riku._ That thought surprised Sora most of all.

_But… but Riku was everything to me, how could Roxas mean more?_ Sora had no answer for this, all that he knew was that he couldn't live without Roxas, and since Roxas was with Axel, Sora knew that he had no chance.

_God, why do I even try?_ Sora thought bleakly_, every time I try, I always fail, and everything I care about falls through my fingers, and runs away._

After listening to himself for a few minutes, Sora made an impulsive decision. If he couldn't live without Roxas, and if he couldn't stand to let everything that he care about get away from him, then he wouldn't.

With this sudden determination, he quickly grabbed his knife from under his mattress, and ran into the bathroom.

***

Sora gingerly lowered himself into the bathtub, trying not to get blood onto the floor. He had filled the tub almost full with warm water. Then he had made the cuts.

But these weren't the usual cuts that he made, this time he cut deeper, and in places that he knew that were vital. This time, he had cut to kill.

After getting all the way into the tub, he relaxed, and let the blood flow. _It'll finally be over,_ Sora thought, gratefully feeling the blood flow out of the many cuts that he had made.

Then, after a few more blissful moments, Sora started to lose consciousness. But, at that moment, he heard unfamiliar footsteps in the hall outside his room, and then there was a knock.

"Sora?" the voice said, muffled through the walls separating them. His door opened, and the voice came closer. "Sora?"

Suddenly, the bathroom door opened, and along with the person, came the suddenly worried and horrified voice.

"SORA!!" cried Roxas

**YAY!!! Sorry this chapter took so long, I had a lot of other stuff that I had to finish, hope you enjoyed this!! Review!!!**

**~Bulletmeds**


	6. Key of New Love and Loss

**After Love**

**Chapter 6:**

**Key of New Love and Loss**

**Hey everybody! I was actually going to leave it a cliff-hanger but after multiple people telling me not to, I'm writing it :D**

Sora woke in a hospital bed. At first he was very confused by why, then he saw the gauze bandages that covered multiple places, then he remembered the cutting in the bathroom. And then Roxas had come, but Sora wasn't sure if that was a hallucination or real. Upon thinking of Roxas, Sora was overwhelmed by feelings that he barely recognized, love, hope, and happiness. But those feelings were laced with sorrow, for Sora knew that he couldn't have Roxas, because of Axel.

But then, Sora noticed a weight on his left leg, and looked to see what it was. It was Roxas, asleep at the side of his hospital bed. And it looked as if he had been there for a long time.

After staring at him for sometime, Roxas started to stir. And as Roxas lifted his tired eyes to Sora's, they filled with tears.

"Oh Sora, I was so worried!" Roxas practically shouted, jumping onto the bed to hug Sora. "Please don't do anything like that ever again! Promise me that!" continued Roxas, now almost in tears.

Sora hesitated, he remembered all the sadness, and the desire to commit suicide, but now it seemed as if those feelings were from almost someone else, he didn't understand them anymore. All the sorrow and depression that was there was now filled by love. Love of Roxas.

"I promise," whispered Sora, now almost in tears himself.

With those words, Roxas gave him another enormous hug, which didn't seem to have an end. But Sora knew that he should say something, or it would continue to bother him.

"Umm, won't Axel be against you hugging me?" Sora asked, already feeling the hurt of Roxas being taken again.

But Roxas snorted, then said, "To hell with Axel, I saw all the bruises that he gave you, and I didn't want a boyfriend that would beat up my best friend, so I dumped his ass."

Sora could hardly believe it, Axel was out of the picture! But then there was something else…

"So….have you reconsidered my question?" Sora said hesitantly. He loved Roxas so much, he knew that, but if he said yes, Sora didn't want it to be a yes based off of pity of the recent…incident.

"Yes I have, and my answers yes, Sora. Yes, I will go out with you. And I know that you're gonna think that this is a pity date kinda thing, but it isn't. I've had a crush on you so much longer than before you asked me. But I had thought that you were straight, so when Axel asked me, I thought maybe I could make do," Roxas replied happily, almost in tears.

"So you want to go out with me?" Sora asked anxiously, he had to make sure it wasn't mistake.

"Yes," Roxas replied with a smile, "Yes I do."

And for a few months they were so happy. They always smiled, and walked home together. It seemed as if they were gonna be happy forever. After the first few days, and the initial shock, Axel just ignored or just glared at them from across the cafeteria, hallways, or classroom. At first Roxas felt bad about it, but after Sora reassured him that he would get over it eventually, Roxas ignored him too. (And eventually Axel did find someone else, but that's to be another story.)

But then, when Sora and Roxas got to Sora's home one day, they couldn't find Yuffie.

"God damn it all!" Shouted Sora as he hung up on yet another detective that was giving them a dead end. Roxas, who usually didn't put up with this kind of language, stayed silent. "I don't know what to do anymore," said Sora, "we've tried every single lead that we could find, but nothing! Hell, we even check out all the bars and taverns in town. It's not possible for my sister to have disappeared off the face of the world!"

Roxas suddenly started, "well actually…."

**Where's Yuffie? I'm planning to make this about the trials of Roxas and Sora's love and etc… you get the picture… Review!**


End file.
